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I remember all six-foot-one in her stockinged feet of Bobby
Gee, advisor on the failed Soweto ShareWorld project, saying: ‘Elephants don’t bite but mosquitoes do. And enough mosquito bites can be very irritating.’ A few nights
ago, someone else used that quotation, but without any attempt to credit it. By osmosis, implying that it was his intellectual capital. Ah, well… Bobby was using the
statement in reference to how much a client will tolerate before they ‘vote with their feet’ and divorce your brand.
I wonder how many brands you’ve divorced
in the last year? Each bust-up doesn’t necessarily mean a metaphoric ‘court-case’ but it can sure as hell feel like it. I’ve decided not to use the dentist I’ve been
going to for 30 years. He charged over R 1000 for a bite-guard through which he’d ineptly drilled a hole when adjusting it for fit. Not only was there no apology, but
he didn’t even point out that he’d done it until I commented. On the computer, fax machine, filter coffee-making machine, CD shuttle, mobile phone and various other
fronts, I’ve divorced brands in the last few years. Simply because they were ‘demanding’ beyond their usefulness. There was no ROI – Return on Investment.
It’s
no different with people. If they’re high-maintenance, but there is despite that, a reciprocal benefit in the relationship, they probably squeak in under the rejection
radar. But when it’s what I call ‘one-way traffic’ – I walk away from the product or the person. I can’t think of a better summation than that given by the redoubtable
Shirley Shochot, a Dr. Carl Rogers-trained counsellor. She’s often faced with people wanting to divorce. A common response to ‘Why do you want to divorce your
partner?’ will elicit something along the lines of: ‘Because she leaves her pantyhose over the shower taps’ or ‘because he squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle’.
It’s neither of those of course. But when the relationship has fallen apart (even if you haven’t noticed!), you can find the way someone chews, breathes or even
swallows water, annoying. It’s the same with brands.
I haven’t got hours and hours to devote to debugging, for the third year in a row, the latest version of
Norton Internet Security. It seriously slowed down my notebook with its inappropriately paranoid ‘background patrolling’. It pissed me off to such an extent that I
‘test drove’ Computer Associates’ suite of competitive products and fell in love with them. Clever move letting you download to check for compatibility first. Thirty
days is quite a long time to check whether you approve of ‘flossing habits’ or not! Pity human relationships don’t work the same way.
Unless CA screw up big
time, I’m a fan and won’t give Norton another shot. As our lives are dominated more and more (well mine is anyhow) by technology, so we expect that technology to make
our lives easier. That is a delusional desire of course. It’s obvious to all but the brain dead that technology hasn’t put more time in our lives. It’s just allowed us
to do way too much, anywhere, anytime. In stress, cardiac and cholesterol terms, I don’t think that qualifies for listing under a ‘benefits’ column. Nevertheless, for
the SMME business person, the widgets available are a true godsend. But they need to be user-friendly, work quietly and unobtrusively, do automatic updates and
generally just shut up and get on with the job.
Brands and brand loyalty will change dramatically in years to come. People are already way less tolerant of
mediocrity and less resistant to or afraid of brand and service provider change than they were just a few years ago. Supermarket product ‘test-drive’ kiosks and
neatly-dressed student promoters are burgeoning evidence of that. Loyalty, an ingrained character ‘flaw’ in Boomers, is mercifully being diluted out of the consumer
gene pool. It’s a silly, sentimental disease from which to suffer anyhow. I always rudely refer to it as ‘semi-mental’ rather than by its real name.
The
marketer of today and tomorrow needs to ask, apart from the usual belly-button lint contemplating questions: What’s the utility of my brand? Is it easy to use –
preferably even fun? Does it make life easier? Is it sensitive to the fluctuating and fickle vagaries of consumer ‘fashion?’ If it ain’t, it’s not going to be around
for very long. Caveat emptor (let the buyer beware), long the mantra of consumer journalists, is changing to ‘Let the seller beware.’ You’re only as good as
yesterday’s brand or service experience. Remind yourself of that before you go to sleep tonight.
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