Banks just ain’t what they used to be

Talk to any aspirant or established small business entrepreneur today and the chances are that ‘Bank’ has become a dirty word. Despite the best marketing, advertising and promotional ‘differentiation’, banks have become a parity commodity.

Unless you’re in the Private Banking brigade, computers decide your fate these days. It all comes down to ‘movement in your account.’ One wonders if the program could be fooled by busily transferring different sums of money in and out of an account to create the necessary ‘movement’. It was on the basis of this inertia (she was operating largely out of her second account) that a friend of mine was recently told she couldn’t get vehicle finance because there hadn’t been the all important ‘movement.’ There’s something desperately anal in the literal sense, about that requirement.

Years ago, I had a personal bank manager. She saw me and my business through thick and thin. Not once did I let her down and not once did she have to account to a computer for her decisions. But today (friends with all of the major banks tell me) it appears the computer has become the Oracle at Delphi and calls the shots. If in its infinite wisdom, it decides the overdraft or finance is ‘approved’, a burst of bureaucracy often ensues. Incomprehensively, some of it by fax (anyone other than banks still use those things?) or by physical delivery. Given the cutting edge Internet banking facilities offered by the majors, why are some using ox wagon technology instead of best practice?

This brings one to a hotly debated topic - the recent drama of keystroke monitoring software entering people’s computers. ABSA was vilified for money disappearing from Internet banking client accounts. The alleged perpetrator has been caught, but a few issues bear some scrutiny. It’s not ABSA’s fault of course (and I don’t bank ABSA) that some of their clients are rash enough to run computers without firewalls and anti virus programs. But the Bank’s error was in saying that it ‘wasn’t their fault.’ Leaving a juicy gap for Standard Bank to pop into, with free (for one year) anti-virus software and a very clever little mouse-operated virtual keypad which would thoroughly bamboozle a key-stroke monitoring Trojan virus. Ten out of ten to the Internet banking and marketing people at Standard. ABSA, four out of ten - and rap the PR people over the knuckles.

The one big differentiator that the banks have not yet cracked – and which I fear they may never yet – is that of truly superb customer service. It’s the only loyalty generator left in their depleted arsenal of marketing weapons and yet they all seem reluctant to grasp it. Their driving obsession is risk, costs, economy of scale, shying away from the ‘unbanked’ and the like. What they fail to appreciate is that HIV/AIDS, economic discrimination, poor access to capital and the like notwithstanding, the ‘unbanked’ are one day going to require and demand banking. The institutions that have thus far treated them with disdain or hived them off to less ostentatious siblings, will pay a price. Class discrimination or economic divide-based insults will not easily be forgotten or forgiven.

Bank credit card call centres offer so many automated options that you need to hit the phone button for a replay, so confusing are they. The ultimate annoyance being when the selections don’t address your query and there’s no ‘stay on the line for an operator’ option.

Banks are effectively the oil tankers of the financial world. They’re ponderous leviathans and the Banking Charter is going to make their lives all the more difficult. They should consider employing marketing people who are not from a financial background. Maybe engage a dyed-in-the-wool retailer as Marketing Director and let her or him appropriately re-structure the bank’s services and communications. Economies of scale and the like would be dragged kicking and screaming into place if the thinking were correct in the first place.

Banks have by default become customer-unfriendly places. Where you’re a number, addressed at arm’s length and your fate is decided by soulless software. It’s the beginning of a long and slippery slope, from which there is going be painful recovery when some light-footed entrant with a customer-centric approach, one day hits the financial floorboards. Just as the department store of old bit the dust and boutiques became fashionable and sought after – so I believe the future will see boutique, niche-focused ‘banking’ operations. Inspired by, driven by and dedicated to, the needs of the customer.

Hypocritical heterosexuals wage unholy war

There’s nothing quite like religion, sex or politics to stimulate passionate debate. Put all three together and it’s a sure-fire recipe for conflict. Gene Robinson, an openly gay Episcopalian priest in the USA, has just been elected Bishop of New Hampshire. So intense is the debate surrounding the issue that the international church congregation may split. Frankly, if this is the level of bigotry and ignorance prevailing in the church, then a split may be appropriate justice.

There’s something desperately sanctimonious about the heterosexuals’ concerns. They seem to equate sexual preference with worthiness - so a ‘straight’ bishop would be the holier or better pastor.

Two assumptions prevail about gay men. That they’re paedophiles (therefore dangerous around children) and that they’re pederasts. Meaning that they engage in anal sex. Homosexuals (as any competent shrink will confirm) are totally different from paedophiles. Where anal sex might be practiced, it’s not the exclusive preserve of gay men. Many heterosexual males (ref: Kinsey et al) engage in the practice with their women from time to time. Anyone ever thought that two men could be in a loving, committed relationship, without being ‘buggers’ as they might have been referred to in the days of Oscar Wilde? So, certain key criteria used to vilify gay men, are spurious.

Heterosexuality is not some sort of qualification. It’s a preference. I have knowledge of leading figures in Johannesburg, in some cases icons of their community, who cheat on their wives or partners. A fascinating recent UNISA study has demonstrated that the majority of men frequenting ‘rent boys’ or male prostitutes (particularly in the Pretoria area) are in fact ‘heterosexual’, married men. Aside from the appalling risks to which they’re exposing their deluded partners or spouses, it’s evident that a person’s sexual preferences constitute only a fragment of their character. It doesn’t make them worthy or unworthy, superior or inferior.

God clearly has a sense of humour. Over the centuries S/he has used seemingly very unworthy vessels to bring healing and comfort to those who need it. I suspect that the adjectives we so-called human beings apply to spirituality don’t necessarily feature in God’s lexicon. Gender and sexual differentiation are human concepts. Spirit doesn’t have genitalia.

Indeed, many religious norms and conventions didn’t come about because they brought us closer to God. They’re more utilitarian. Example: You don’t take off your shoes before going into a temple or a mosque because God is present there and you’re showing respect. The ancients cleverly linked the two. But the real reason is that if I walked through cow dung in the village and into a place of worship and you prostrated where I’d stood, it would be downright unpleasant and unhygienic. So, foot washing before entering a place of worship features in some cultures. See, nothing to do with holiness and all to do with common sense.

That same common sense led leaders of yesteryear to emphasise the need to be fruitful and multiply. Any perceived behavioural ‘deviation’ would have been strongly advised against and resisted, in order to ensure the continuity of Mother Nature’s and society’s breeding plan.

South African Anglican archbishop, Njongonkulu Ndungane, has a more generous view than do many Episcopalians. He believes it’s fine for Gene Robinson to be a bishop so long as he “remains celibate.” A tad optimistic, I think. No disrespect to ‘the Arch’ but I wonder if the same criteria would be applied to a lesbian priest? The ignorant (and I don’t mean the archbishop) might assume that she wouldn’t engage in penetrative sex and could therefore be a safer bet.

What counts in a pastor is that she or he has a deep and committed relationship with God. That they become a conduit for God’s love, healing and grace to touch the hearts, minds or lives of all creation.

The Dalai Lama of Tibet was asked, “How will I know if I’m living a spiritual life?” His answer: “If you can get to the end of a day and say, ‘today I have grown a little more in love and compassion, you are living a spiritual life.’” We might well examine our own hypocritical hearts and impure minds before we ‘cast the first stone’ at the prostitute sitting by the well.

Who would you rather have as your priest? A gay person who is a genuine and wonderful example of spirituality, or a heterosexual who is perhaps doing the job only as a means of earning a living and little else?