Transforming thinking through behaviour

Racial transformation starts with integration through socialization. This statement could be and maybe needs to become, a mantra for companies who think they’re approaching inter-racial transformation in a meaningful and sustainable way.

I’m an intentionally careful observer of social and interaction dynamics in organizations. The most explicit manifestation of inter-racial transformation success or failure is visible in black-white segregation at company functions or conferences. The second revealing melting pot is what happens in staff canteens or restaurants. What I see with saddening consistency is informal segregation both at conferences and in staff dining facilities.

Let me nail my colours to the mast. Black people are way less pretentious in my experience when it comes to social interaction. Chatting to black people, I’ve never had to stand and listen with a fixed smile to the boring details of a Cannes holiday home refurbishment, the latest Monaco trip or a broken ski in Aspen, Colorado. On the white skinned social circuit, I find my ear bent with regular monotony by conversation that invariably revolves around material wealth and status. The social conversation divide is clearly alive and well.

Here’s a suggestion for immediately shifting the uncomfortable social apartheid dynamic. Adopt the dictum of the gangly, homely Eleanor Roosevelt of US first lady fame. She told my American mentor years ago, "When you enter a room, pretend that you're royalty and that it's your job to make other people comfortable with you." This might mean (if you’re white) approaching the young black woman sitting all alone at a table, hugging her knees in isolationist discomfort. It certainly means scanning the room and consciously choosing a black person, couple or group of people with whom you can interact. If this appears contrived, it’s no different from any other behavioural modification approach. We have to go through the motions in an intentional way for a little while before they become a norm. Then we consider it natural. Natural just means without conscious thought, so it’s nothing more than developing a habit.

We were artificially separated from social and other interaction with fellow black South Africans for many years.  This means we probably don’t fully appreciate what we’re missing now by not seizing the inter-racial social engagement opportunity.

I don't particularly like social functions and I don't handle superficial social conversation well. However, when I attend a function I make sure that I extract the maximum return on my investment of time and energy. If you’re going to do it, then do it well. Doing it well means being gracious and socially sensitive - whether as host or guest. Sensitivity means being aware of the needs of others. Including them is effortless and it can make for a fascinating encounter.

Our stereotypes and preconceptions surrounding the social success or failure of an interaction often lead to limiting self-deprivation. As an example, one of my most memorable and rewarding social discussions was with an eighty-five year old man who’d spent a lifetime collecting stamps with dogs printed on them. I didn’t know how to pronounce the word philatelic, or its counterpart, philately. I'd never seen a single stamp with a dog - let alone an album full. The dear old gentleman's lower front teeth were so loose they wobbled like over eager piano keys as he spoke. I had visions of flicking one from my lapel at some point in the discussion. But the outcome was over an hour of the most engaging and enlightening conversation I have ever enjoyed. It taught me something valuable - the very elderly too, can be and often are, fascinating.

Conversation and interaction are the lubricants of the wheels of society. Be sincere. Ask questions because you’re really interested in the answers. Avoid patronizing people. You’ll be amazed at the warmth and opening up that you’ll experience when you treat people with respect and dignity. If you’re a leader, director, boss or manager, invite your white staff to make a change in their social dynamic. It will augur well for the swift and integrity-based transformation of your organization.

Time to revisit telephone etiquette

There’s a new telephone disease afoot and mercifully this time mobile phones aren’t the culprit. People have taken to calling up and starting their conversation by saying, “You’re talking to so and so,” which is total twaddle since in most cases I haven’t said anything except my name. So I’m not yet talking to anyone. Fashion has often been the dictator of social norms. But when fashion – particularly of the mindless sort - begins to intrude on business etiquette it’s time to do something.

My second nemesis is when people call me up and before saying anything else, ask, ‘How are you?” I’m deeply aware that within some global cultural frameworks, asking how one is may be important. But in business terms, discussing my state of wellbeing with an as yet unidentified person just doesn’t make sense. Imagine if after me running through my ailments or state of mind, they realise they’re talking to the wrong person?

Another emerging and thoroughly irritating trend is when people call you on a mobile phone and launch into a detailed discussion without asking if it’s convenient to do so. People in my business circle always ask – as do I – “convenient moment?” Please avoid “Can you speak?” That’s a given, or I wouldn’t be using a phone. The difference with a mobile phone is that you’re calling a person, not a location. In some instances we need to have mobiles on in a meeting, if we’re waiting for an element of information to be called through. So the fact that the phone is on, doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a convenient moment for a conversation.

Call centres have become like the tower of Babel, with airlines being among the worst offenders. There’s inevitably such a cacophony of private conversation going on in the immediate vicinity of the person assisting you that it becomes difficult to hear. I’ve also heard my query being discussed in the background. In one instance, it was the deciding factor in my not signing up with a particular medical aid scheme. My thought was that if they could speak so rudely about a legitimate customer enquiry, why would I want to do business with them?

A less frequent occurrence today is having someone’s PA call and ask you to hold for her boss. That’s plain old fashioned and rude. Particularly when you are holding and she has to track down her errant mogul. That’s an unacceptably arrogant breach of etiquette. If you want to have your PA get someone on the line for you, at least be there to take the call. This is a positional power disease that is scrupulously avoided by people with manners.

The sobering aspect of poor telephone etiquette is that the phone, apart from the Internet, is probably still the most common point of marketing contact with most customers. As Jan Carlzon, the President of Scandinavian airlines famously said, “Make sure that even the smallest point of contact – a Moment of Truth – that you customer has with your organization, is a positive one.”